Email: relearning the art of correspondence
October 19, 2004
The email revolution is devouring its children, not by firing squad but with digital drivel overflowing our spam traps.
You've probably committed your own email faux pas by
now, maybe a
misunderstanding caused by your little "nudge, nudge - wink, wink"
that was _so_
obvious. Or you made an equally clear tongue-in-cheek remark that somehow
insulted
the recipient.
Maybe a brilliant bit of "plain as day"
sarcasm went uncomprehended by
Important_Person@email.net, who
promptly unleashed his lawyer. Such email miscues
force us to retreat to the trusty telephone, or even precious face time for
damage
control.
You could resort to "emoticons" (: ), but
outside casual notes, these tag you
as another "y'knowhatI'msayin'" semi-literate refugee from MTV, lost
without
graphical aids. 'Same with [LOL] "Laughing Out Loud"-style acronyms,
the equivalent
of TV audience "APPLAUSE!" signs, except yours is flashing, "NO
LANGAUGE SKILLS!"
We've spent the last several generations perfecting
the telephone, unlearning
centuries of business-as-correspondence. Email has us rudely rediscovering the
lost
art of correspondence in much the same fashion one "rediscovers" a
lost thumbtack
while visiting the bathroom in the dead of night. Email violently
revolutionized how
we communicate. Now the revolution is devouring its children, not by firing
squad,
but with digital drivel overflowing our spam traps.
There's no tongue visibly plumping the cheek, no snicker
on the line signaling
sarcasm. It's just you and that blank space -- every writer's nightmarish
opening
since we used rocks for paper. No quick camera cuts, pumped music or fashion
babes.
You're just _out_ there.
Now that "nudge, nudge" has to be carefully
scripted to make it work. You must
belabor each halfway-energetic expression in careful King's English lest it
somehow
explode in misapprehension on arrival. Soon, whatever effect you had in mind
becomes
too bothersome to produce. Result: self-censored, sterile reading, about as
"engaging" as a pre-nuptial agreement.
Predictably, there's "Email for Dummies,"
but Amazon's blurb promises only to
help us "find out how to set up popular e-mail software . . . get tips on
managing
your address book . . . master the art of sending and receiving attachments
--"
Nothing to make us good writers?!
Of course not. "English 101" no longer fits
business agendas, and, further,
begs the old question about good writers being born rather than made. Still, we
can
try to become "less bad" if not "good." My cunning plan:
First. Short. To be concise, of course, but also save
the work of rewriting one
more word than necessary. As maybe Shakespeare proclaimed: "there is no
good
writing, only good re-writing." Email is quick and convenient. Writing is
not. Never
mind. The effort you spend getting it right the fifth time will more than
compensate
for getting it wrong the first.
Next, read outgoing email with an incoming eye. Pressing that
"Send" key is often a
quick trip to "What I _should_ have said . . ." If there's the
slightest suspicion
that you may be angry, tired, inebriated -- and absent any truly
"pressing" need --
put your missive in the "Drafts" folder and chill overnight.
As for capitalization, punctuation, all that stuff
that made you hate English
in school, do as Dr. Johnson probably said, and "let consistency be your
hobgoblin."
Unsure if quotes go inside or outside commas? Flip a coin. There are competing
"schools" on such stuff. You can pull off having started your own
_provided_ at
least one person consistently adheres. And that would be you.
Finally, even poppycock can pass for prose with a
little "email etiquette": Use
the "signature" utility of your email program to make up a little
heading with name,
phone number, URL, whatever, and put your copy _underneath_, like stationery.
Relatedly, if it's a reply, put your reply _over_ the original. Always include
it
for reference, but spare the reader from having to scroll through his mess to
get to
yours.
On opening, don't erupt like Jehovah to the
Israelites. Give us an
old-fashioned salutation: "Dear So-and-So:" or "Hi,
So-and-So," Email _should_ be
succinct, even pointed. Soften the effect by "saluting" the
recipient!
And acknowledging the sender. Yes, "sign" at
the bottom, particularly if your
return address is mummyluvswoogins@aol.com
OK. No great improvement. At least I'm fairly sure (I
can't stop to re-read
these things!) that I didn't call you a "Dummie." Just take the time
to find and
re-write those miscues. Mind your email etiquette. Do it before publishing to
the
world your well-kept secret: you're a sixth-grader inexplicably appointed to
some
adult guy's job.
A futurist and commentator, Travis has been published nationally and internationally since 1978.
Copyright © 2004, Travis Charbeneau, All Rights Reserved.
travchar@mindspring.com
http://www.richmonder.com/charbeneau
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